Committee for Skeptical Inquiry

[SkeptInq@aol.com]

 From: "Ian David" <iandb1@yahoo.com>

 Your Horoscope by Ian, The week of 2/21/00

 I predict that from now on, new Horoscopes will be issued on Mondays,
 unless there is a holiday.

 Yesterday, my prediction of a Harmonic Car-Vergance did in fact
 manifest itself.  Car dealerships were packed on President's Day.
 Behold and be amazed!

 I was also dead-on in predicting a full moon on the 19th.  Of course,
 Skeptics will tell you that I COULD have just looked at a calendar
 for these predictions, and that if I was indeed using psychic powers,
 then I was "doing it the hard way."  I just KNEW they would say that.

 Who do you believe?  Grumpy old men with beards who examine
 "evidence" and "facts"… or someone who can channel the spirits, read
 the tarot, and feel the pull of distant constellations on the little
 elves that live inside our heads?

 Here are your Horoscopes.  Behold and be amazed!

 Aries
 Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
 Stop! Wait a minute! Stop it, boy!  What do you think you're doing?
 That's no way to treat an expensive musical instrument!

 Taurus
 Apr. 21 - May 20
 Mahir is going to be the father of your child.  Take nice fotocamera
 of yourself and send it Mahir.  HE KISS YOU!!!!!!

 Gemini
 May 21 - June 21
 You car needs a quart of oil.  Remember, it takes 10W-30, not 40.
 Your left front tire pressure is low.

 Cancer
 June 22 - July 22
 Today you should buy new shoes.

 Leo
 July 23 - Aug. 22
 You have been discovered by a law enforcement agency.  Leave Kiribati
 at once and go to Madagascar.

 Virgo
 Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
 You can find the murder suspect by reading their Horoscope.  Skip
 Kiribati and go directly to Madagascar.

 Libra
 Sep. 23 - Oct. 23
 Prepare a special meal today.  Buy your spouse a gift.  Do some
 laundry.  Clean the kitchen.  Build a shrine to Zarathustra.

 Scorpio
 Oct. 24 - Nov. 22
 You must return to Alaska to face criminal charges stemming from the
 incident involving the bear-proof suit.

 Sagittarius
 Nov. 23 - Dec. 21
 Find more ammunition as soon as possible.  You are going to need it.
 There will be a raid on your shelter at 3:00 PM Thursday.

 Capricorn
 Dec. 22 - Jan. 20
 Consider a safer profession.  Perhaps carpentry wasn't such a bad
 career choice after all?  Use caution when dealing with bureaucrats.

 Aquarius
 Jan. 21 - Feb. 18
 You are sitting in front of a computer as you read this.  Or you are
 looking at a paper that has been printed from a computer.  Amazing!

 Pisces
 Feb. 19 - Mar. 20
 Pisces is a water sign.  Today you will drown.  Sucka!

 Weekly Horoscopes by Ian are for entertainment
 purposes only.  They do not replace the advice of a
 lawyer, therapist, trusted friend, friendly stranger,
 or allopathic physician.  They are, however, every bit
 as good as the advice of any psychic, medium,
 astrologer or homeopath.

 There are enough people to tell you why horoscopes and
 astrology are not real, that I don't feel like I have
 to.  If you need to know why astrology is a complete
 and total anachronistic fiction, check out my homepage
 at http://www.geocities.com/athens/cyprus/6674 where
 you will find links to places such as CSICOP and The New
 England Skeptical Society.  I myself am content to
 just make fun of the silliness.  If you still believe in
 horoscopes, turn your computer off before you break something.



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